Little did I know, the whirlwind I thought I faced in my last post was NOTHING compared to what was about to come! I'll try to pick up where I left off...
We began my progesterone injections on Saturday, July 17th and it turns out, my husband is a pro at this. (Remember, we're not big fans of needles in our house!) Monday morning, we drove to Knoxville for our transfer, again staying at the Hampton Inn in Lenoir City. Basically just took it easy that night and tried to get some sleep. I followed the NEDC's instructions for the next morning, eating a light breakfast, drinking my water, and taking my medications as instructed. About 20 minutes before we planned to leave the hotel to head to their office, our nurse called and asked if we could come now - they were running ahead of schedule. I wasn't sure if I needed to take both Valium pills or not, but at that moment, I felt so nervous and anxious that I decided it was probably best. At this moment, I want to include a post from my personal blog to describe God's faithfulness:
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Last Sunday, I stood in church during praise and worship and suddenly had a "picture" in my mind. I was in a beautiful garden, walking down a path. As I looked ahead, the stones were not laid out already for me to walk upon. Instead, God was there with me, laying each stone as I took another step. I got the feeling it was all to remind me that He goes before me and leads me down this path through the beautiful garden of my life. It was so beautiful and such perfect timing that I tried so hard to hang on to that picture; to remember that He guides my steps (
Proverbs 16:9).
I didn't tell anyone about this; even my husband. Not because I was keeping it to myself on purpose -- it just never occurred to me until Tuesday morning. We were on our way to the NEDC for our transfer and I decided to check my email to try to calm my nerves a bit. A good friend of mine had sent me this scripture:
Yes the Lord longs to be gracious to you; He rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for Him! Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying,
"This is the way; walk in it."
- Isaiah 30:18, 21 -
Just minutes away from the office, I quickly tried to contain my tears as I explained to my husband why I was crying. I don't know why I was surprised at His perfect timing, but once again, there it was. Just the thing I needed to hear at just the right moment.
Why am I constantly surprised at His goodness?
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Nerves calmed a bit more by my experience, we arrived at the office a few minutes later and were taken back to the recovery room. We went over the day with an incredibly sweet nurse who cared for me the entire time we were there. Dr. K and the embryologist came in and told us that all three embryos from our first choice had survived the thaw, so they would be transferring all three that day.
Meet our embryos! These multicells were all graded very highly, the one on the right being the highest and the one on the left being the lowest.
They wheeled me into the next room and began the transfer process. An ultrasound quickly told them my bladder was too full (AGAIN, even though I drank less water this time), so I had to get up and go to the bathroom for 5 seconds...TWICE. After the second time, they began. Let me tell you now that when they say they're going to do a cleaning and "it might burn a little bit"...that's an understatement. I know that labor will feel a million times worse than this did, but OH, the burning I felt during this time. It only lasted a couple of minutes, but I still haven't forgotten that sensation. Before I knew it, I watched the ultrasound screen as they transferred the embryos into me. It was one of the most incredible sights I had ever seen in my life -- I saw the white line of the catheter come onto the screen and then -- one, two, three -- I watched all three embryos pop right out. I watched in amazement for a few seconds as a few of them slightly moved around a bit. (I'm pretty sure I cried too!)
Meet my uterus. No, not the large black mass at the top of the picture...that would be my bladder, which had refilled itself yet again by this time. See the slightly darker oval in the midst of the white? That's my uterus. The white line you see within that oval is all three embryos just after they were transferred.
Wheeling me back into the recovery room, my husband joined me and they had me rest for a while. After we were cleared to leave, we went to get some lunch (I was SURE everyone I saw knew that I was now carrying three embryos inside of me!) and went back to the hotel. My husband worked for a while and I decided I was going to read. FOUR HOURS LATER, I woke up. Huh. I had no idea I was even tired, but apparently I took quite a nap! We headed out for a late dinner and drove back home the next morning on July 21st. I had some minor cramping here and there, but the ibuprofen they recommended seemed to help. It was a LONG drive home and I was glad to finally be able to be out of the car and lay down!
Continuing my Estrace and my progesterone injections twice a day, along with the added meds they want you to take following the transfer, the waiting period began. I was scheduled to get my first round of bloodwork done on July 30th, just 10 days after our transfer. We did not tell anyone when I was scheduled to go and had asked family and friends that they respect our privacy and not ask us if we knew yet. We explained that no news may mean it's good news and that we're waiting until we feel more comfortable making an announcement...or no news may mean we're grieving our loss and need to take time to process our emotions before we talk to anyone about it. Most understood completely and respected our privacy...most...but not all. :)
I anxiously got our two year old dressed that Friday morning and drove to the lab to get my blood drawn. They had put a "RUSH" on it, so the technician said my doctor (the NEDC) should get the results in 3-4 hours. As I was waiting for the call that afternoon, I began to think about how I'd started feeling nauseous just two days before...but I was scared to think more of it. It was then that I wrote this post:
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Don't be afraid; just believe. - Mark 5:36
The last few days, I admit, I've been a little afraid again. I'm afraid to lose, I'm afraid to hope. I'm afraid to let myself "go there" for fear of what will need to be reassembled, should everything be shattered to pieces. I realize I'm going directly against God's Word, and that's exactly why I sit here and write. I've had several scriptures that I've been holding onto - very tightly - for the last few weeks. As I sat down to look over them again, the one I mentioned above struck me the hardest. I'd like to think that Jesus was speaking directly to me when I read that a few minutes ago (though my situation is not the same as the "woman's").
The only thing that I know to do is to trust; to HOPE, that this is exactly what He's trying to get through to me. Just believe.
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I was so afraid; nervous; excited; antsy; scared...yet full of faith, knowing He is good. Around 1pm, my phone rang and it was one of the nurses at the NEDC. When I got the news, I gasped. I barely heard what she was telling me, but I knew I had to listen. My hCG levels weren't as high as they would've like to see them (over 50, mine were 33), but I was still
pregnant and they were "looking up", remaining hopeful. I hung up the phone with her and sobbed...and sobbed...and SOBBED at the amazingness of it all. I'm not sure words can even describe what I was feeling in that moment. I was in awe. I was blessed beyond belief, once again. I was still nervous about the idea of now being pregnant. I was SCARED because of the results. Then I realized...I was the recipient of yet another miracle...of course things were going to be fine! I immediately went to find
a book a friend had recommended to me for the scripture and prayer/confession segments. I immediately found the one on miscarriage and prayed the prayer out loud with my hand on my stomach, confessing everything before God and declaring His word. Three days later, I had more bloodwork done and my levels were still not as high as they would like (over 100, mine were 87), but they had - indeed - more than doubled like they wanted them to, so they were still being optimistic. Two days later, I went once again and received a voice mail ending with "Congratulations!" They wanted my levels to be over 200 and mine were at 241. (Praise God!)
My Estrace and progesterone schedule continued on for several weeks after that, as they predicted. After cutting my dosage in half on September 17th, I was able to stop the Estrace on September 24th, almost 12 weeks into my pregnancy. They cut my progesterone dosage in half on the 9th, but my progesterone levels were still not as high as they wanted them to be, so I had to repeat my bloodwork in five days. This cycle continued until September 30th when Dr. K said that although my levels were still not as high as they would like, I was nearly 12 weeks pregnant by that point and the placenta will start producing it on its own at 12 weeks. I retested again in five more days and my levels had only gone down one point, which meant the placenta is doing its job and the injections were no longer necessary. (HALLELUJAH!!)
The NEDC requested an ultrasound at 6 weeks (just one baby in there! Don't worry, I cried when I saw it.) and I also got a "freebie" from my local RE, who also did one at 7 weeks (again, just 1 baby confirmed). After that, the RE released me to my regular OB for my 9 week ultrasound (once again, saw just 1 baby - who did a kick-punch for us - and we heard just 1 heartbeat...the most amazing moment of our journey so far, no doubt).
Meet our newest little miracle!
At that point, I was released from the NEDC's care and put on a regular 4 week schedule. We headed back to my OB for my 14 week check-up and I was so excited as I laid on the table, about to have my first "external" ultrasound...to find out the machine wasn't working. UGH! 4 weeks later, I still wait...not so patiently at times...for my "big ultrasound" tomorrow morning. My OB requested a comprehensive ultrasound to learn as much as he possibly can about this baby, since it is not genetically linked to either my husband or me. I will be 18 weeks on Saturday, so we're hoping, praying, and jumping up and down about the fact that we should be able to find out the gender of the baby. Turns out, we're not the type who can wait 9 months for a surprise -- it's driving both of us CRAZY!
I regret that I lost track of this blog for so many months between the time leading up to the transfer and the moments I'm living right now. I tried my best to remember everything I could about the last three months, but "pregnancy brain" is a very REAL thing, ladies and gentlemen. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not perfect and I DO forget things...a lot. As things come back to me, I'll be sure to post them here.
When we announced our pregnancy, we used Psalm 115:1 -- "Not to us, O Lord, not to us, but to Your name goes all the glory for your unfailing love and faithfulness." We truly give God all the glory for this miracle He has given us and pray that He will someday use our story to encourage those who may need it.
